"Droppin' the new k-nowledge!"

Though I may not be in college anymore (thank God), the school of life has been teaching me plenty in the meantime. Here are some things that I've learned this week:

• It's always a good idea to know if the vehicles you're driving has a hitch on the back, especially when backing into a parking space near a wall or a fence. 
• Inadvertently parking on top of the neighbors fence, then fixing it upright, is way funnier when you get caught red-handed (I'm still laughing.)
• Not sleeping enough for days on end can make you really, really loopy and a little extra crazy, especially if your personality already leans a bit in the loopy/crazy direction.
• If you drink so much on a weeknight that you fall asleep in all of your clothes (including your socks & shoes) and wet the bed, then you're probably an alcoholic and should not seek help but invest in rubber sheets. (Don't worry, I swear this was NOT me, though someone did leave me a voicemail this week confessing to such. Some celebration indeed).
• If you start drinking mimosas before noon on any weekend day, someone is likely to get drunk and drunker, especially if moonshine is involved (once again, not me, I swear!)
• If you think that you have butterflies in your stomach for whatever reason, you might want to re-evaluate your diet for the past 24 hours...
• If your dog is really old and can no longer use anything besides the floor and carpet as her toilet, it's probably time for her to go :(
• Just because you're laughing doesn't mean it's funny. Or does it?
• Sometimes when you're straightforward and honest with people it can: a.) hurt their feelings, b.) cause the offended to act out in an aggressive/hostile/defensive way, c.) cause people to ignore you out of stubbornness or d.) all of the above. Oops.
• Apparently, what one has learned about non-violent communication and sharing how she/he feels is not something that translates across all places and cultures and one should always ask permission before doing so. Oops. 
• Getting ones legs waxed hurts surprisingly less than one would have previously thought, while getting ones koopop waxed hurts surprisingly more than one previously would have thought.
• Fire and water are always in opposition.
• If the floor looks a little extra shiny, someone probably over-waxed it and you're probably going to eat shit before you realize it, FYI...
• Just when you think things are going precisely how you want, shit will hit the fan. It always does, do you really think your luck has changed that much? Fat chance.
• You should never let the actions and insecurities of others affect your own level of awesomeness. Ever. Duh.
• Turning off your phone and not using the Internet for an entire weekend (except maybe to post a most genius blog entry) can be just what you need to get over yourself and get your head out of your ass.     

Now, if only I can remember these lessons in the future, in order to avoid repeating any of the mishaps from this previous week.  Mondays are good days to put new energy into everything you practice.